


Rose

by Yamiga



Series: Amaryllis Project [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Insanity, Mpreg, Other, Psychological Torture, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, if any are disturbing to you don't read the story, read warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:34:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3546221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamiga/pseuds/Yamiga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Turning Seidou into a half ghoul wasn't the only thing Tatara had planned, as another operation blooms an achievement that Aogiri has been attempting for decades. Seidou's body wasn't just changing to fit the anatomy of a half ghoul, but preparing to bear the fruit of Aogiri's greatest prize yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This story contains depictions of graphic violence, non-con, death, and abuse. Also Mpreg. If any of this is uncomfortable to you, or may be borderline triggering, or triggering to you, then please do not read. I’m writing this note for your safety and I hope that you do heed to it if it applies to you.This is part of my Hidekane series, Amaryllis so heads up, Seidou is gonna be in Amaryllis. This little side story is gonna be divided into three-four parts. And let's just say, Seidou isn't gonna have it as easy as Hide will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This story contains depictions of graphic violence, non-con, death, and abuse. Also Mpreg. If any of this is uncomfortable to you, or may be borderline triggering, or triggering to you, then please do not read. I’m writing this note for your safety and I hope that you do heed to it if it applies to you.

Seidou's voice had grown hoarse from screaming.

Yet, the throbbing pipes down his throat only surrendered to the pain radiating throughout his body. He could practically feel rivers of burning mercury running through his veins, rendering him immobile. Silver needles poked at his pale, glossy skin injecting foreign materials, only adding more fire to his current state of agony.

By now, he was used to the countless surgeries, the continuous operations...the doctors, the ghouls...Eto...Tatara... _Kanou._ All to often, those three loomed over him as the doctors did their work. Eto would make childish remarks, while Tatara and Kanou would call out commands. Seidou would wither there, like a dying dog, hoping and praying for them to stop yet when they did, the physical pain would be replaced only by anguish and mental anxiety. He'd wonder when they would get him again, what operation they would conduct, would they kill him or not?

These thoughts would race through Seidou's head to the point of him breaking down into tears, and when the key hole of his cell door would finally turn, he could barely hold his insides in. Just how much pain would he have to go through, for them to stop? He'd grown his arm back, as he imagined they wanted, and now, his body was twisted to their will...so what else...Seidou thought at a point, Aogiri would simply give up on him. No longer would he face agony, but the calming sensation of a long needed deep sleep.

That sleep, it appeared, wasn't nearly at hand, as another wave of boiling heat surged through his body. He absently gripped the hospital mattress and held his breath until the pain passed. The doctors around him were moving, and if his eyes were open, he would've been certain that Tatara and or Eto were standing around. His hearing, as of present, wasn't the best. He heard mutters, and high frequency, but other than that, he was pretty much deaf.

_Just let it pass._ He breathed as he did countless times before...  _Let it pass...let it pass...._ His senses were returning, now, as that familiar burn grew in the pit of his stomach. Sometimes it was pain, other times it was hunger...more than often it was anxiety. Either way he'd try to ignore it....but at that moment, the pain bloomed into something else. He wasn't hungry...nervous...distressed...despite the pain that currently plagued his body. 

  
  


It was a sort of fullness...like something was growing...or blooming...

_Like a blooming rose._

“Tatara-san....it's a success....Takizawa's body is compatible.”

_So Tatara is here...what are they....what are they talking....._

Seidou, even amidst his deprived state, felt even more tired than before. So succumbing to the pain, he drifted.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 _Clouds of darkness suffocated the small area Seidou currently resided it. He felt trapped in a garden restricted by what seemed like four metal walls. The ground was soft, yet abundant with thorny roses sprouting from the moist dirt. Every so often, as he walked around in confusion, his feet would be prickled with random thorns laying on the ground._  
  
As he walked around, in a room of nothingness, his feet left red prints on the ground.  
  
Blood as red as a rose.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Seidou woke up in his cell as he expected.

The pain from the operation caused him to wince but for the most part, he ignored it.

The cold draft coming from just underneath the door served as his alarm, yet that morning (he was sure it was morning, though he didn't know. He'd lost his sense of time and days long ago), inspiration couldn't be sought.Not that he was hoping for it....he'd lost it long ago. Seidou continued to lay on his side as the voices outside of his cell served as entertainment.

Aside from that, Seidou found it soothing to listen to the leak from the ceiling. Every so often, the water tended to drip, and it now accumulated a puddle, which he chanced a glance in. From the dim light shining, he saw his horrific reflection. To get a better view, he sat up and nervously hugged his knees to his chest. The water reflected over grown white hair, pale almost greyish skin, and one red eye. The only thing that caused him some sort of happiness was his regrown arm, but it didn't serve a purpose. Cringing slightly at his appearance, he brought his hand to his dry, black lips and began to chew. _I must be hungry..._ The thought passed his mind, but something seemed a little off about his hunger in general. He hadn't noticed it until he thought about food, but his stomach felt strange. Guessing that it had to do with the operation, Seidou didn't think that much of it.

He instead, closed his eyes and leaned against the wall with his hands on his aching stomach. Confused slightly, he opened his eye. Not only did his stomach feel strange inside, but to the touch, something felt extremely different. Through the thin fabric of his shirt, Seidou's hand made contact with a hard, and a lot more rounded surface than he remembered. Nervously, he brought his hand underneath his shirt for a better inspection yet only regretted that. 

_What the hell?_ He thought as he continued to rub the seemingly swollen area.  _Have I been eating more? I don't understand...Did the operation....what did they do to me?_

“Mr. Takizawa!” The all too familiar sing song voice sounded from outside the cell prompting Seidou to quickly bring his hands to his side. “You're up? Aren't you?” Eto stood by the bars, unlocking them and then promptly stepping into the room itself. Despite the fact that she was bandaged from head to toe, Seidou could see her smiling at his misfortune.

Seidou retained his look of anger as he glared at her. Months ago, he feared her, but really, there was nothing she, or any one else could do to him that they hadn't already done (expect kill him, but that would be a dream come true). He'd been through operations, experiments, and tortures. He'd even been turned into a ghoul. Fearing her now only fed her ego. And while perhaps he harbored even the smallest amount of fear, he was done showing it.

“You must be hungry right?” She skipped towards him with a woven basked in her hand. “I saw you, trying to eat your fingers again.”

Seidou frowned. “How long have you been watching me?”

Eto bent over and placed the basket in front of him. “Since you woke up, I kept quiet.” She giggled slightly as she extended a finger. Seidou was to slow to stop her from poking his stomach, but when she did, he was quick to slap her finger away. She even looked taken back, given the fact that Seidou had more strength than he knew.

“Getting angry aren't we?” She stood, crossing her arms.

“Don't touch me, Eto.” Was Seidou's rather bold reply, especially since he blatantly called her by her first name. Without much care, he reached for the basked filled with flesh. He could smell it already and detested it, but he knew that was his only source of food. Maybe months, or even a year ago he would've sat there, refusing to eat, but he couldn't go on without food any longer. He took hold of the basket , however, Eto's foot was quicker than his grip. Within seconds, the basket broke to pieces and the food went flying everywhere as she kicked it. Blood splattered upon Seidou causing him to sigh.

“Enjoy Mr. Takizawa.” Eto turned on her heel as Seidou collected the scraps he could. “You see, you've been asleep for well over four months.”

Seidou nearly choked on his scraps. “ _What..”_

“That said, you've been hogging all the food from the other prisoners....so, we'll have to stop supplying you with food. So like I said, enjoy. This may be all you get...” Eto giggled as she skipped across the threshold. “Besides Mr. Takizawa, you're eating for two now. Even you noticed it, yes? I saw you poking your stomach...so I only assumed...”

  
  


_Wait what?_ The only color left drained from Seidou's skin.

“Oh, maybe you don't understand. It's my fault really...I'm not good at explaining things. Mr. Tatara will come by later on today.” Eto chuckled. “He'll tell you _everything_ you need to know.” Seidou remained in that one, nervous position even after Eto left. The food hadn't even touched his mouth yet. He sat there, trying to make sense of Eto's words, not quite sure if he could.

_You're eating for two....what does that mean...over four months? I don't..._ Seidou's instinct was to panic, but he calmed down. He needed to assess the situation. Besides, Eto was most likely trying to scare him, she was after all, like that.

_There's no way I could've slept for four months..pull yourself together and eat..._

After sitting there, flabbergasted for a few moments, he did finally collect his food or what wasn't ruined of it. Piece by piece, he ate the small amounts of human meat Eto had offered him. After wards, he took the shards of the basked and began to lick the blood off of them.

His stomach accepted the food yet he still felt extremely queasy.

_You're eating for two._ Those words caused shivers to go down his spine as he attempted to make sense of them.

_Nonsense...she's just talking nonsense..._

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Hours later, after a dreamless nap, Seidou fond himself vomiting in a corner of his cell. There was a terrible scratching in the pit of his stomach that caused him to rise from his slumber, and when he did, all the food he'd eaten earlier found its way right before his feet.

He stood there, hunched over with one hand on the wall until he was finished.

After that, a wave of growing fatigue caused him to lose his balance and fall backwards onto his back. The dark cell around him seemed to spin as his stomach began to act up again. This time, the nausea had vanished leaving only tedious scratching and gnawing, as if something was trying to eat him from inside.

Seidou's first instinct was to lift up his shirt to see just what was happening and to his fear, he did see something....some creature, moving under the surface of his skin. Not only that, but scratch marks formed from the inside out, causing internal bleeding just underneath the surface. Seidou instinctively began to scream as the pain grew worse due to his body's regeneration. He rolled around pressing on his stomach as the creature inside scratched, bit and gnawed, eating him like he was its food source. Seidou's screams grew ever louder as he himself attempted to scratch at his stomach, but nothing worked.

_Thorns...Thorns...Thorns..._

Seidou thought, as his skin continued to rip from the inside causing blood roll down the surface of his stomach. He ended up laying on his back, in pain, as he let the creature inside do whatever it wanted. It felt as if there was a rose blooming inside of him, packed with the sharpest thorns, tearing through the soft dirt to selfishly reach the surface. Seidou however, continued to heal, prompting the rose to grow stronger, and even more powerful. His stomach was on fire, with blood as hot as lava rolling to the ground, forming a puddle of red around him.

Oh, how Seidou wished he could die.

_Thorns...Thorns..._

In the distance, amongst his own agony, he heard the cell doors open. As he withered, he painfully gazed up and unmistakably met the red eyes of Tatara. Seidou didn't fear Eto, nor most of the Aogiri members anymore, but he liked to assume Tatara was a different story. Tatara's presence brought back memories of that night. Horror, frantic, fear...Amon... _Amon..._ The mere thought caused tears to grow in Seidou's already moistened eyes.

Tatara simply hovered over him, with that look of disinterests. “I assume, you've been told of your condition by Eto?”

Seidou didn't say a word.

“Then I'll make it frank.” Tatara took that as a no, and knelt down. He yanked Seidou by the hair just to make sure he was paying attention to him. “As you're aware of, Aogiri's purpose is to create artificial half ghouls.”

Seidou took a deep breath and nodded. Tatara gripped his hair tighter. “While that has been a success now and in the past, artificial half ghouls are not nearly as powerful as half ghouls born from a carrier. Meaning, a half ghoul born naturally, verses that created, is superior. Do you know what this means, Takizawa?”

_No...no..._ There were tons of emotions going through Seidou's mind, and they were visible on his face. Tatara simply smiled from underneath his mask.

“This means that the operation you underwent, six months ago was successful. That operation required the tampering of your reproductive and sexual organs, so that your body would be compatible with the fetus currently growing inside of you.” Tatara released his grip on Seidou's hair before standing. “Congratulations Takizawa, you are a success and are now carrying Aogiri's first natural half ghoul.”

Seidou took a few deep breaths before forcing himself to sit up. In fear and in panic, he took hold of his stomach. Luckily, the scratching had stopped but the shock had just begun. 

_Does that mean I'm pregnant? What...I don't...I don't_

“I don't want it!” Were the first words to come out of his mouth, causing Tatara to raise an eyebrow.

“Hmm?”

“You've turned me into a ghoul, you've tortured me...you've done every thing...why...why...” Seidou brought one hand to his hair while the other went to his mouth where he began to chew his fingers. He'd been accepting, or tolerant of a lot of things, but this...

“I can't do...I don't...” He took a deep breath as he began to rock back and forth. “I don't want this _thing_ inside of me...it's...it's eating me...” _This is my body...how can this parasite intrude...why...why...why?_

Tatara chuckled. “Look at yourself. You're like a pouting baby.” He took a step towards Seidou and took something from his coat. It appeared to be a dark injection filled with yellow liquid. Bending down, he handed the vile to Seidou, who took it.

“If that _thing,_ becomes a hindrance to you, then by all means, kill it. Just give yourself that injection, make sure the contact point is at the center of your stomach. After that, that _thing_ will burn within five minutes and you'll bleed it out. You won't have to worry about it, just go back to living your life here until we can use you again.”

Tatara began to make his way out of the cell as Seidou gazed at the injection as a child would a toy. He glanced at Tatara who was currently locking the cell door.

“T..Tatara-san.” Seidou began, grabbing the red eyed ghouls attention.

“Hm?”

“Whose...whose is it?” He pointed at his stomach.

Tatara rose an eyebrow before turning away and answering. “Mine.” And with that, Seidou was left in his cell alone with one chance to kill the parasite growing inside of him.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This story contains depictions of graphic violence, non-con, death, and abuse. If any of this is uncomfortable to you, or may be borderline triggering, or triggering to you, then please do not read. I’m writing this note for your safety and I hope that you do heed to it if it applies to you.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for the support! I didn't think anyone would even read this, but I'm glad you all like it! I guess this chapter will be a bit more graphic, in regards to poor Seidou's state of mind.

For near an hour after Tatara had visited the prison cell to inform Seidou of his condition, the weak half ghoul found himself face down on the cold ground. Hurting in both a physical and a mental sense, he felt that remaining in one position was the only form of stability he could retain given the way things were going now.

 

 _Mine..._ The word echoed through his mind as many times as the leak from the ceiling made contact with the lower puddle. Every drip that rang through the cell, Seidou could feel that all to uncomfortable feeling edging in the pits of his stomach. Thankfully, it had stopped scratching, but Seidou was sure that would happen again, soon.

 

He had an option, though, he wasn't certain whether to be thankful about that, or not.

 

The promise to retain the last few rights of his body, and what grew within in it, resided in a small, poisonous tube just centimeters away from his face.

 

 _I can get rid of it..._ Seidou thought, with a rather pleasing smile. _Just one injection and it's gone...I don't want it...I don't..._ And he didn't. In fact, he didn't deserve it. Aogiri had done a lot to completely crush him. Torture, surgery, experiments, forced him to kill and now, here he was. A ghoul. The _very thing he hated._ He assumed that life couldn't get any worse, now that he was living in the body of the nightmare he dreaded.

 

Aogiri was truly something from hell.

 

Now this...there was no way he could be forced to settle with this _parasite,_ growing in him, eating him, using _his_ body as a home to destroy. Seidou had no choice in the matter when he became a ghoul but now, with this thing living inside of him, he had thankfully been granted a choice.

 

 _This is my body, and I can't live like this._ Seidou thought as he slowly hoisted himself up to a sitting position. Even as he moved slightly, he could feel the discomfort in his stomach as the little parasite began to move and push at his insides. The scratching sensation slowly, yet steadily began to return and Seidou hurried for the injection.

 

 _It must've been asleep._ He thought. _I just woke it up. But not for long._ Seidou, with brewing a twisted smile, grabbed the injection right before grabbing the bottom of his shirt. He lifted, and positioned the needle above his stomach, preparing to plunge.

 

 _This is right._ He mused. _I don't want this. I don't want his...his... **waste** inside of me... “_ His”, being Tatara. The thought of being impregnated by a ghoul was sickening, but to know that it was Tatara's made Seidou even more eager to kill it.

 

His blood was pumping, his heart was pounding, the needle only needed to plunge through the skin. Within seconds, the poison would burn the little parasite until there was nothing but blood left. It would be dead, and nothing Seidou would have to worry about.

 

_Yes...just...do it already..._

 

His hand hovered above his stomach as the needle barely touched the skin. He was prepared to plunge, he was prepared to end the life...

 

But something, in the back of his mind perhaps, screamed louder than he could ever imagine. For a few seconds, shocked by the internal voice, he remained in the same stable position, frozen in a sweating frenzy.

 

_**Kill it...Kill it!** _

 

_No...no...!_

 

Seidou's breathes became short and ragged, and his grip on the glass injection began to grow harder and harder until the tube slowly began to crack.

 

_**You don't want it, you shouldn't have it. It's feeding off of you! It's ripping you apart only for his sake, Tatara's sake. Kill it. It's your choice.** _

 

_It's a life...it's a life...it's a life! It's not it's fault...it's not it's fault..._

 

Seidou allowed trails of tears to stroll down his cheek as vivid memories popped into his mind.

 

Suddenly, the small prison cell morphed into some place very familiar. Sediou, who stood in the corner, or better yet, knelt ready to inject himself, looked ahead until things tugged at his memory.

 

A stove...a table...one dangling light... _My old kitchen?_

 

A boy, comforting a pregnant woman sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands, weeping helplessly...

 

 _Mama..._ He breathed, uncertain of what was happening. _It's her...is that..._

 

“Seidou...” Mrs. Takizawa spoke, opening one eye to gaze at her son. “I didn't....I didn't know you were here...go...go upstairs...”

 

The little brown haired boy proceeded to lift his arms until his mother gave in to his innocence and picked him up. Without much of a word, she placed him in her lap and attempted to wipe her tears away.

 

“Mama,” Little Seidou started. “What's wrong? Where's daddy...you two were screaming and then he left....”

 

In the corner, Seidou began to shudder as this realistic memory brought him pain. It was probably the first time he'd heard his father yell so loudly at his mother, causing her to cry. In silence, he held on to the injection, paying steady attention.

 

“Daddy isn't coming back Seidou, it's just you and me...and...” Michie gazed at her stomach. “Your little sister...” She forced a smile, seeing the pained expression on her son's face. “Daddy doesn't want us...it's fine though, we have each other.”

 

“W..why? D..did I do something wrong? Did my little sister do something..wrong...Daddy said 'get an abortion'...what's that?”

 

Michie took a deep breath, fighting back all her tears. She shook her head. “You two did nothing wrong...it was...it was...nothing.” She smiled and gazed into Seidou's eyes. “An abortion is a terrible thing Seidou...it means...it means killing something innocent, an innocent baby....not everyone who gets an abortion is a bad person...some people don't have a choice...but daddy...daddy wants...”

 

“Daddy wants you to...to kill her?”

 

Michie nodded. “But I won't, because she's just a baby, that deserves to live.” Her smile broadened. “You deserve a sister...and I deserve a daughter. But, you won't get to see her if you don't go to bed, okay?”

 

In the corner, Sediou continued to sweat a pool of guilt. The living room seemed to melt and crumble until the walls of the cell began to reappear. Michie and her son vanished like petals into thin air leaving a frantic Seidou alone in the corner. The injection was bathed in cold sweat as his body trembled like a miniature earth quake. The needled hovered over his exposed stomach barely touching the skin. As Seidou knelt paralyzed, a frenzy of emotions rushed through his body.

 

Anger. Hatred. Sadness. Confusion. Guilt.

 

 _Was I...am I...was I going to kill the baby...?_ He asked himself, uncertain of his own actions. _Was I really going to?_ Hot tears burned his face while the injection fell to the ground. As it shattered into small pieces, Seidou found his hands gripping on to large chunks of his white hair. Succumbing to the pain residing both outside and within, Seidou began to scream.

 

He felt the familiar prickle of throns in his stomach as the baby woke and began to scratch. He felt the weight of a coward upon his chest, hating himself even more for the fact that he even contemplated on killing an innocent baby.

 

He knew it was Tatara's, and he didn't want it, nor did he deserve it...but to kill it, after remembering his mother's struggle, made him feel more vile than any Aogiri ghoul. He knew innocence when he saw it, and while Tatara was far from innocent, this baby was the definition of it.

 

And Seidou would _never,_ in his right mind, dream of killing a baby, especially if it was inside of him.

 

_This isn't me....this isn't me....this isn't me..._

 

White chunks fell around him as he pulled mercilessly. _Don't let_ _ **him**_ _twist your mind and ideals. It was a trick! He wants you to be like him..._ Screams were still heard and tears still fell until he crashed. He began to tremble on his side as the baby inside grew restless. Like before, out of hunger Seidou now figured, it began to scratch and bite, eating his flesh from the inside out until it healed over. Seidou, hugging his knees to his chest began to shudder at the pain. Maybe if he had food, it wouldn't be doing this. Perhaps he'd have to wait for a few more hours or so until someone came by. _Wait.._ Seidou, taking deep breath, sat up, while hugging his stomach. _What will they do if I don't kill her...I have to make them believe that I killed her...I..._

 

Tatara said something about bleeding out after he took the injection. Seidou supposed that would be good enough evidence. So he needed to make it look like he had taken the injection. He had to bleed.

 

_What to do? What to do?_

 

His mind was clouded with all sorts of things. The scratching, the hunger...thinking straight was becoming bothersome...

 

_Blood...I need...blood..._

 

Rather emotionlessly, Seidou brought his fingers to his mouth and began to chew. He chewed until the skin broke and drips fell, he chewed until the bones became brittle, he chewed until the meaty flesh on his hands were maimed and ripped. That's when warm blood began to drip from the open wounds, standing the ground around him. He absently brought a hand to the area between his legs, allowing blood to cover his private areas and the ground beneath.

 

_There...it looks like you're dead, Akachan..._

 

Seidou, succumbing to the scratching fell on his back. It didn't hurt as much as it did earlier, but that was probably because the baby wasn't as nervous. Come later, when it started to get hungry, things would be terrible. Hopefully...there would be some food by then...

 

Seidou's head made contact with the ground as he began to drift. Memories of what he assumed to be his times at the CCG began to flood through his head. Memories of a life, with happiness, seemed to torture him to the point of more convulsions.

 

_Days laughing with Houji, replaced with senseless killing of both humans and ghouls. Innocent children, mothers fathers..._

 

Seidou was a murder, and no amount of reason could fix that. It didn't matter if Aogiri forced him, if they knew how to temporarily twist his mind. The lives of innocent people were taken by his hands. He was a sinner...a demon...a devil...

 

“ _Akachan...give me my innocence back.”_ He spoke kindly to his stomach. “Please...give it back...” He smiled. “I'll be good to you, if that's what you want.” There was silence, uncomfortable silence that Seidou had gotten used to. The baby, didn't move at all, signifying that it was sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akachan means baby if you're curious, which is what Seidou calls the baby, meaning he's accepted her. I know that may not be the best thing to do, but Seidou isn't one to just kill of a child.... Seidou early on in the story was having a flash back. I hope you guys enjoyed it, I'll update the next chapter after an update of Amaryllis.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This story contains depictions of graphic violence, non-con, death, and abuse. Also Mpreg. If any of this is uncomfortable to you, or may be borderline triggering, or triggering to you, then please do not read. I’m writing this note for your safety and I hope that you do heed to it if it applies to you.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for all the support so far! If you guys read my story Amaryllis, then you'll know that this correlates with that story. Meaning that, Seidou and Hide will bump into each other. Oh yeah, this'll be just a pinch more than four chapters, if you didn't figure out by now. :P  
> Also, this chapter is a hair more disturbing than before...so, hope you enjoy, and if you're curious, this was planned before the recent chapter came out.

“ _Mr. Seidou,” The voice cooed with all the excitement and delight that a young teenager held. “I’ve finally figured out what your problem is.” She managed from across the table, tilting the rim of her coffee cup just against her lips._

_Seidou, who had been reading the morning paper beforehand, rose an eyebrow. He placed it down just next to his own coffee cup and gazed ahead. That was rather odd, he supposed, for him to have a ‘problem’. Yet alone, for someone to point out that he had a ‘problem’. Seidou knew he had many problems, many problems that he didn’t quite like addressing. And he certainly hadn’t joined his young friend on a coffee date for her to tell him what his ‘problem’ was, but seeing as there was no escape this time around, he grew curious._

“ _I have a problem?” Recanted Seidou._

“ _Yes, you do.” The white haired girl giggled under her coffee and accusingly pointed at Seidou. “You’ve let the opinions of others get to you way too much.” She placed her mug down and proceeded to move her bangs out of her face._

_Seidou knew this much was true, but he wasn’t aware anyone else could tell. “From all you speak about this Akira and how she’s better than you and how pretty much everyone agrees…I feel like you let the opinions of others waver you way too much. I used to be like that you know…in middle school. You don’t have time for that in high school ya’ know? And you most certainly shouldn’t have time for that here at the CCG. I know it sounds odd, me coming at you like this but I’m just tired of seeing you sad…so, be happy. Don’t let the opinions of others get to you.”_

_Seidou didn’t know how to respond. Suddenly, this breakfast with his teenage friend was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. What she said made a lot of sense but Seidou wasn’t used to….he wasn’t used to someone trying to give him positive advice. Not anymore. With Akira and Suzuya always being praised, Seidou felt left out and forgotten._

_His friend, Aki, really looked up to him and he knew that. Ever since that day she’d bumped into him the CCG lobby looking for an interview. She knew he wasn’t the best, but she certainly wasn’t looking for the best , especially if they’d started a relationship._

“ _Thanks Aki…but_”_

“ _The only one who can make you feel 100% better is you, Seidou. So be good to yourself, and you’ll feel better about yourself…”_

Seidou woke to the sound of his cell door opening. He perked up from his sleeping corner, already groaning from his painful hunger. The baby seemed to be up before he was, moving around and kicking. Thankfully this time she wasn’t scratching.

“So you killed the baby, eh?”

_Eto._

Seidou hugged his knees close to his chest and remained silent. His eyes made contact with hers as she slowly took humble steps towards him, smirking wider and wider with each. He never broke the gaze not even when she stood an inch in front of him.

“I knew you didn’t have it in you.” She gazed down at the blood lining his pants around his private area. Inwardly, Seidou rejoiced the fact that his plan had worked. He feared at first that Eto would be able to detect a difference in the blood, but luckily she couldn’t.

“It seems like you’re growing closer and closer to accept your ghoul side.”

His response was composed of silence and tired glares. He didn’t feel like talking, he didn’t feel like arguing. With Eto, he was always going to get the short end of the stick. It was as if he had no voice (he didn’t have a voice, not any more). The last time he felt like, or suspected he had a voice, was during that breakfast…with Aki.

That dream had really happened; it was a reality in which he had wished to go back to. _Be good to yourself…_ her softness had touched his heart that day as it was the kindest thing he had heard in a while. _And you’ll feel better about yourself…_ He remembered her smile, the movement of her glasses and above all the way her long white hair would clumsily fall in her face. She was his friend, because she understood how it felt. She understood how it felt to be so disregarded and ignored.

So she beckoned him to be good to himself, because she believed that was the only way for him to find true happiness.

Somewhere along the line, he couldn’t keep up his end of the bargain. He couldn’t find the worth he held in order to achieve happiness…and if he couldn’t’ find it then, then he most certainly wouldn’t now.

“You’re pathetic.” Eto broke his train of thought, intruding with her cruel words. “But what could I expect from a weakling.”

Her tender feet make light noises as they came in contact with the concrete ground. She circled Seidou like a wild animal, stalking her prey, ready to pounce at any moment. Seidou still kept to himself, not daring to open his mouth. If there was any sign of defiance to use against Eto, it had to be silence.

She hated silence…she hated the fact that her words weren’t phasing Seidou, at least not outwardly. She was manipulative and vile; she fed off of the distaste and unrest of others and laughed at their pain. Seidou could tell that torturing was a hobby for her—he wasn’t her first victim. Fine, that was fine. And he figured that every so often, there were those that she came across, who were just as stubborn as he was. Not willing to bend to her will. Eventually, he’d break, but he wouldn’t offer her the satisfaction, at least not yet.

“You must be hungry…Mr. Takizawa, exhausted even.” She breathed.

The mention of hunger, the state he was currently in, sparked some emotion. Against his will, he showed the slightest hint of anxiety on his face, as if he _wanted_ her to continue….

And he did.

He was starving. He _needed_ food…his baby needed food. Food was perhaps the best thing for him now, as his hunger would subside and perhaps, he could think of a way out of his current situation. If not just this once, he wanted to hear Eto speak. He almost dared himself to beckon her, just so she could tell him that food was on the way, ready for him to eat.

“I’m not sure if you remember me telling you,” She knelt down before him with a smile on her face. “that food is short.”

Seidou held a gasp from escaping his lips. He could already taste the dry lump building in the back of his throat in correlation with his heart beating faster and faster by the second. He could practically hear Eto’s laughter even before she spoke; he knew what she’d say, what she was dying to reveal to him.

“This simply means, Mr. Takizawa, that you won’t be getting any more food from now on…” Her eyes lit up in amusement as she saw the expression of unrest in Seidou’s eyes. It was just what she wanted, what she’d been waiting for since she’d come to visit him that morning.

“What?” His voice cracked into a panic. “What do you mean?” Barely a whisper and very hoarse, his words were still audible through the hallow prison cell.

“Someone as weak as you doesn’t deserve food, Mr. Takizawa.” Eto stood. “You could of course, beg for it.” She turned away slightly, taking miniscule steps towards the exit. Seidou remained in his stationary position. Within he sat in turmoil, frightened of what was to come. He needed food to sustain himself…he needed food to sustain his child.

“Wh…what can I do?” Attempting to sound less and less concerned, he spoke, instantly grabbing Eto’s attention.

“What was that, Mr. Takizawa?”

“What can I do to get food?” He repeated, louder, with a bit more anger in his voice. “Eto.”

She giggled melodically, spinning happily on her toes.

“Oh Mr. Takizawa, I’ve been _dying_ for you to ask.”

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Seidou hadn’t seen himself in the mirror for what seemed like years. Aside from the puddles of water in his cell, he had no form of reflection.

Now, standing in front of a medium sized mirror, in a dimly lit bathroom, he saw just how hideous and grotesque he actually looked. His dark cell had done no justice to making an accurate assumption of his appearance, but now when he saw it, when he saw how he really looked, he wanted to scream.

His skin was greyish, as if he’d been pulled out of his grave. His eyes were sunken, with large dark rings around them only complimenting his dark, blistered lips. His eyes themselves resembled that of a troubled man. Wide and distraught as if he’d seen a ghost. Above all, he realized that his hair, his once soft and short brown hair, was now white, over grown and unkempt. If Seidou was in higher spirits, he would’ve perhaps joked that his mother would have a fit—she’d be dying to comb his overgrown locks however, this wasn’t the time to make jokes.

He needed to ignore the monstrosity in the mirror before him and focus on this task. In his hand, he held a thick, black cloak; the hood bore the Aogiri circular crest. Seidou unfolded it and placed it around his slim frame. He stuck his arms through the wide sleeves, and placed the hood on his head. His face, for the most part was shadowed save for his large, popping eyes.

He took a deep breath and stepped back.

 _Breathe…breathe…you have to do this._ He gave himself the courage he needed for what he was about to do. He knew it was wrong, he knew taking the lives of the innocent deemed him a criminal, a _monster._ But he had no choice…he _had_ to do this if he wanted food. And he wasn’t only doing this for his own benefit. He had a baby on the line…and she actually needed food.

_Just complete the mission. Kill the investigators and capture the target…she is the CCG’s “half ghoul—you’ll know who she is when you see her._

Eto’s order resounded in the back of Seidou’s head over and over again. The objective was simple, and easy if done with skill and speed. However, it didn’t sit well in his stomach. He feared going against investigator. Not because he knew that they were strong, but because he couldn’t quite fathom his situation. Killing investigators would only solidify the fact that, things had changed for the worst. And Seidou couldn’t stomach that. He couldn’t accept that he’d so easily be taking the lives of his comrades.

At least not yet, but he’d have to.

His life wasn’t the only one on the line, nor was his hunger. _Do it for your baby…do it for her._ He spoke tirelessly over and over again in the back of his mind as he gazed at his reflection one more time. He was ugly, he was hideous…he was a monster. What he would do during the next few hours would warrant him the title of the OWL, another word for “demon” in his opinion.

Yes, he was far past any reasonable redemption…that much was clear to see.

 _However,_ his baby wasn’t. She was pure, she was the only humanity he had left. And because of that, he had to, by any means protect her from what he was. And if killing innocent humans and investigators was the only way, then it had to be that way.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

The setting was as Seidou expected.

A regular CCG sweep operation. Vans and cars had blocked a rather large perimeter and investigators walked around with their white coats flying behind them like kites. They had their weapons in their hands, ready to strike at anything they saw.

Seidou knew that they, the CCG, were given a tip that a notorious ghoul gang would be in the area that night, ready to wreak havoc. Seidou also knew that was a lie, and this was simply a set up by Aogiri to trap the CCG and wipe out a great number of them.

As of current, Seidou stood perched on a tall building overlooking the scene of investigators. Behind him, a few Aogiri members stood still, cloaked in red. They remained in silent vigil behind him, waiting for an order. Next to Seidou, stood a young boy...a teenager. From others, Seidou learned his name was Ayato—that's all he really knew. Ayato had control of this operation, and Seidou had to follow his orders

_Simplicity...simplicity...just do what he says._ It would be easy if he only took it slowly, as he was supposed to.

_Capture the CCG's “half-ghoul”._ Seidou had no idea who that was. He had no idea that the CCG had a half ghoul, but he guessed that night,he'd find out who it was.  In addition, he'd find out if he was really strong enough to complete this mission.

_Do it for her Seidou, for her..._ All fear and doubt was soon replaced with the longing to protect the baby growing inside of him. This wasn't for his benefit, it was for hers. For his child's. He had no choice if he wanted to keep her nourished. 

In the midst of his thought, Ayato had called the ghouls to move in. In mere seconds, they were in midair, Seidou growing more and more unsure with every inch that he reached towards the ground. He was anxious and paranoid. What if he failed? What if he didn't get any food? How would he and his baby make it?

How...how... _how....?_

And then it came to him.

His feet made firm contact with the ground causing an unnecessary shock of tension to run through his body, but he didn't have time to ponder on it. An investigator, caught in the frenzy stood inches before him, ready to bear down his quinque

_Defend yourself Seidou! Do it! He's not a friend! He's an enemy._ There were so many things Seidou wanted to say to him. So many ways to attempt to explain his story and his side. Some many ways to justify himself.

But this was not the first time he'd killed a human working for Aogiri....and it was not the first time he'd killed. 

But this was an investigator before him...his comrade...his brother...

Two more seconds until the quinque made contact with his shoulder and no longer did Seidou have time to think.  He stretched his arm in front of him, and before he knew it, his hand went through the investigator's chest. It didn't take any effort, at all. Just one swift movement of his arm...like pushing a door open. 

He almost laughed at the insanity of this. Did Aogiri really make him  _this_ strong?

Blood splattered angrily on his face, staining his glossy skin. Instinctively, his tongue curled out of his mouth and began to lick the warm, sweet crimson liquid. Almost instantly he felt a rather primitive nature take over him. No longer was he the sweet, nervous and unsure Seidou that had second thoughts about killing a Dove. Perhaps it was his hunger, or perhaps it was the baby...but something felt odd, something felt out of place. 

Whatever it was...he  _loved_ it. 

He went for the investigator's face next, biting off the delicate skin despite the man's screams. It was evident the would from hadn't killed him, but this certainly had. One by one, Seidou ripped the eyes out of their sockets and chewed them. They tasted...they tasted like.... he couldn't quite find the word fitting. Human food, the taste was completely foreign to him now.

_What's round? What's juicy...what's sweet..._

“Sugar plum.” Seidou mumbled quietly, dropping the investigator to the ground. “Sugar plum...sugar plum...plum...plum....” His stomach was clawing at him, angry that he'd stopped eating. That familiar thorny and prickly feeling returned, but Seidou didn't cry in pain. He only placed a hand on his stomach and grinned.

“ _Don't worry dear, I'll get you something to eat.”_ Just as his mother had said to him long ago, easing his stress and hunger. 

Seidou licked his lips and looked around. The area had erupted into pure chaos. Ghouls and investigators clashed, quique and kagune. Screams could be heard, followed by the sound of ripping limbs and broken bones. The smell of blood and sweat filled the air prompting Seidou to move forward in his quest. He ran towards the nearest investigator and without warning jumped for him. He was unprepared as Seidou came down upon him, biting him in the neck and pulling out his vital wind pipes. Seidou chewed and swallowed, taking off and arm while he was at it. 

He feasted like a child eating a cake—though this investigator tasted just like the other, a plum Seidou suspected. They all tasted the same however. The next one, and the next one. Investigator after investigator offered Seidou the same dull taste. They were all destroyed with ease; they were as boring as they tasted. And some, maybe here or there tried to fight Seidou, but they were weak. They were all the same...he wasn't quite satisfied. But at least he was getting food, and at least his baby was too. They were somewhat contempt with the food they'd gotten, but things, nonetheless were far from over.

He still had an objective; a mission that needed completion. While the food was a nice treat, he needed to finish the job.

_Find the half ghoul...capture the half ghoul...find it...find it..._ He walked through the investigators, pushing and throwing them out of the way with no remorse. 

_Find the half ghoul...maybe it's edible...maybe...maybe...._

 

“S...Seido...Seidou?”

He stopped suddenly in an excited frenzy.

  
That _voice_...that voice brought him back to that morning long ago. The morning from his dream, where he sat across the table, listening to the cruel reality of what he faced. His inferiority, his fear, his self judgment...

_Be good to yourself._ She had said with a voice as soft as a hymn. 

“Seidou, is that you?” She called again, from behind. The tone of her voice, was so much more different from the day at the cafe. She sounded so worried and confused, as if she'd been standing nearly feet away from a ghost. Seidou languidly turned on his heel so that he was now, facing her direction.

She was there for sure, physically in the flesh. That much was certain.  


She stood merely feet away from him, swaying nervously back and forth as if the image of what Seidou had become caused her to fall ill. He could see the look of disgust in her eyes as she stared at the malady before, bewildered and startled. The dry lump formed in her throat, and her clutch tightened on the handle of her brief case. This was all a defense mechanism of course, a form of “play” so to speak. Her intentions were clear—she meant to attack him.

She'd noted already that this was, in fact her friend, however he was now a monster. Signs of death reeked his body to the point where he appeared to have bathed in blood. He was the enemy, he was a foe—no longer was he her timid, nervous and insecure friend. The kind, caring, innocent Seidou had left long ago, producing only this demon in his wake.

So Seidou had to assume that she was the enemy as well. It didn't matter if they were close at a point. All feelings of love and kinship had vanished when Seidou had “died”. And besides, why be friendly towards your food? At least that was Seidou's state of mind.

“ _Aki...”_ He chanted taking unpredictable steps towards her. _“_ I had _no_ idea you were an investigator! You're so young...and you're already fighting? What is your rank?”

It was obvious to Seidou that she was terrified out of her wits. The way he spoke, drawing out his words, and adding unnecessary enthusiasm in his tone startled her. He moved like something out of a horror movie, tripping over himself like a drunk cadaver. It was simply horrifying.

“I'm rank III.” She spoke with some confidence, there was even a slight smile on her face. “S...Seidou, w...what happened to...you?”

By then, he was in front of her, glaring down at her with that flagrant expression of anger, disgusts and insanity. 

“I'm only hungry...” He placed a hand on the top of her head, ready to pluck it off. It wouldn't be that hard for him. “Already rank Ill, at such a young age?” His voice littered itself with acrimony as he clutched the crown of her white hair tighter and tighter. “A prodigy right? Just like every other investigator...? Is that so? Is that why _you_ became an investigator? To show off, to pass others up--”

“I became an investigator to find you...”

At that moment, Seidou's heart stiffened, as well as his grip on her tiny head. His mouth fell open slightly as if he'd been a fish forced out of water. This compressing, “water”, had been filled with torture, hatred, screams and cries. He'd been stuck, drowning and drowning for what seemed like months and now...he  was forcefully being pulled out by the kind words of long ago, from someone who he deemed an enemy just seconds before.  Blindsided with this kindness, and unexpected courtesy, Seidou began to come back to some senses and instantly began to panic.

His hunger had been satisfied to the point where he could function off of the brink of insanity, but he was still nervous and fidgety. He could smell the blood soaking his cloak  –the blood of investigators. He began to panic, his heart began to beat faster and faster. He hardly understood what was going on at that moment. 

“I've finally found you....you're a little messed up.” She continued to speak rather excitedly. Her fear had vanished now with the knowledge that her friend, had somewhat returned to his senses. She could see it in his eyes. However his hand and was still on her head. “But that doesn't matter...” She moved his arm with difficulty and placed it down by his side. 

“We can go now...” And without really thinking, she moved forward and pulled Seidou into a hug (well, she didn't quite pull him, he stood there). She remained in that position for a long time, as if she never wanted to let go of her friend. “I thought you were dead Seidou...it's been really hard. Because right after you went missing, my brother killed himself. It was like losing two people at the same time. But I found you...but imagine my shock, seeing you here with Aogiri! You've got a long of explaining to do Seidou when we get back_”

“Good job, Seidou.” 

Ayato's eerie voice crept from behind Aki. Seidou could see him walking ahead towards them, with his hands in his pockets. He'd done his fair share of killing, as blood was evident all over his face.

“What...?” Seidou replied as Akire released him. She moved to his side and stared ahead at Ayato with a expression of worry. Some time before, she'd dropped her quinque to hug Seidou and now it was too far for her to use in defense. 

“The half ghoul, you found her.” Ayato pointed towards Aki. 

Seidou gulped and turned a helpless gaze towards Aki. She returned it with the same expression of apprehension. Seidou couldn't quite make sense of what Ayato was talking about...how was she a half ghoul? Seidou had known Aki for a long time...she was practically his little kouhai, always following him around with questions about the CCG and his life in general. There was no way she, of all people, could be a half-ghoul.

“Aki?” Seidou's breath was nothing short of a whisper, but even amidst the screaming and fighting going on around them, she heard him perfectly.

“I'm sorry I never told you...” She countered in guilt. “I wanted too, but I didn't know the right time...” 

“Seidou, attack her. That's an order.”

_No...no...no..._ This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. Was this apart of Eto's trick? Was this what she meant by he'd know the half ghoul when he saw her? It didn't make sense, it wasn't fair...and even if she was the CCG's half ghoul, he simply couldn't kill her! She was his friend, she looked up to him! Even after she saw the monster he'd become. 

_No! No! No! No!_

From somewhere, Ayato was yelling at him, cursing and screaming. “Get her! Get her!” Aki remained frozen by his side, nervous tapping her fingers together. She cast one more anxious glance at Seidou and saw the look of distress on his face.

The next few moments seemed to be a blur.

He stood still as Ayato came charging his way. Kagune out, and kakugan activated, he flew with the intent to kill. He heard Aki scream, and for a second he feared she'd lost her life. However, Ayato had been flung back back , hitting the ground with a thud. The next thing that followed in Ayato's path were cold, ice like crystals. Seidou heard Ayato scream in pain as the shards of ice stabbed through his skin, pinning him down.

“Seidou! Snap out of it, we've got to go!” Aki grabbed his arm and pulled, but Seidou hardened like a rock and refused to move. “Come on Seidou! Stop it! Come on! Let's go!”

_I can't...I can't leave....I...I..._

He wanted to go. He wanted to let her drag him off of the battle field but that couldn't happen. That was simply too easy, and Seiodu knew that things weren't supposed to be easy, not for him.

“Hurry Seidou before the investigators see! Let's go_”

It was that moment Ayato got up and ran towards the couple. He attacked Aki, instantly ripping her arm off. He kicked her in the gut causing her to fall to her knees. Next he kicked her in the face, to the point where her nose broke. She attempted to deploy her kagune but she was in too much pain.

“You little bitch...!” Ayato had called. “I'll make sure that you_”

And Seidou's hand went through Ayato's chest in a second. The young boy screamed in disbelief as he fell to the ground. 

“Y...you...bastard...” Ayato mumbled before losing consciousness. 

Seidou simply couldn't have anybody dying for him anymore. Seeing Aki on the ground, armless and dying was just like seeing Amon that night—both lost their lives trying to protect him. He simply couldn't have that again. 

He bent down towards Ayato and picked him up. After that, he began his walk away. 

“S...Seidou! Please...don't...go!” He had to ignore Aki's cries and pleas. This was it, he couldn't drag her down any more than he already had.

“Aki, please go home. Quit the CCG...d...don't come looking for me. Thank you.” Seidou replied. He wanted to tell her so much more, but he couldn't. He had to leave her there, no matter how much she cried for him to come back. 

“P...please...be good to yourself Aki, and just forget about me.”

And with that, he had vanished.

** OoOoOoOoOoO **

This time, it wasn't Eto who came into his cell.

As he sat, tied up in a chair in the middle of a large room, another being entered. Siedou gulped when the shadowed figure stepped through the threshold and walked into the dim light hanging from the center of the ceiling. 

He was now visible, giving his flawless appearance illumination. 

Seidou felt every fiber in his being burning with fear as he looked into the red eyes of his torturer. 

“Tatara...” He whispered.

“I'm not surprised,” Tatara began, slipping off his mask and putting it in his pocket. “that you couldn't complete the mission. I had so little faith in you to begin with...” He took a deep breath and crossed his arms. “However, as weak as you are, we cannot have someone turning against our own. You are a successful experiment, and you are to act on your success. Not on that of your past allies.”

Seidou remained quiet, only staring at Tatara like a frightened animal. He didn't want to say a word in fear of being punished. “Though I can't expect you to automatically have the strength to turn on those you formed relationships with while you were human, so” He snapped and the door opened. “we have to prepare you.”

A group came through the threshold. Seidou could smell other ghouls, yet at the same time, some scents were foreign to him. Following the smells, he began to hear desperate screams of what seemed like a younger woman and an older one. His heart began to pound even before the two were thrown into the light, tripping over each other and falling before him. He saw them, clumsy and startled, attempting to stand against their restraints but they'd come crashing upon one another.

Seidou couldn't breathe. His blood was burning, running through his body, bringing pain to every inch it filled. His heart was pounding, threatening to break from its hinges and fall to his stomach. It seemed as if every bit of remaining reality had fallen before him, shattering like glass against a pavement. Because this...this simply couldn't be real. The two women in front of him, crying and scared, simply could not be real...they had to be a part of his imagination. 

And then, in the midst of her confusion, one of them turned around and looked up at Seidou. Her eyes watery, filled with tears and uncertainty. However, when their eyes met, for the first time in what seemed like years, the woman actually smiled.

“S...Seidou?” She breathed.

“M...mama?” He recanted with a smile forming on his face. 

Next of course, to turn and join the reunion was Seina. Her eyes widened in disbelief and shock. “B..big brother? Big brother?” She repeated that, over and over again until she burst into tears. For just a little while, Seidou's heart warmed. He even tried to move out of his restraints to embrace his family but he couldn't. That didn't matter to him however, it didn't matter any of them. They were, after months of being a part, finally together. Neither Seina nor Michie questioned Seidou's appearance, they only laughed and cried. No words escaped any of their lips...they were just happy to be together, no matter the circumstance. 

However, that happiness was short lived. 

Tatara, whom Seidou had forgotten was looking, had stepped into the clearing. With the slick movement of his hands, Seidou's binds were undone. He instantly brought his wrists and hands before him, moving his fingers. He looked up at Tatara in confusion.

“Stand.” Tatara ordered. 

He slowly did as he was told. He cast a glance towards his mother and sister who looked on in silence as well.

“What do you want?” Seidou questioned. 

It was then, Tatara grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and jerked him towards his family so that he tripped and fell near them. He landed painfully on his knees. 

“Eat one, if you want to save the other.”

“I...” Seidou couldn't even recant. He had no idea how too. He knew this would not end well—Tatara was unreasonable and cruel. But still Seidou simply couldn't... he couldn't comprehend what Tatara had just ordered. “No...” Seina and Michie sat frightened, grabbing on to one another through their binds. They started to tear up, they started to cry and look towards Seidou.

“Eat one.” Tatara's voice remained emotionless. “Now.”

“I can't...” Seidou looked up at him and shook his head. “I can't...I can't...I can't....” He began to cry, and cower away. Tatara was walking towards him now, angrily, with an arm extended to grab him. It was at that moment, Michie and Seina crawled towards Seidou, as a way to try and protect him.

But that didn’t work for long. 

Tatara grabbed him by the hair and dragged him away towards the back of the room. Michie started to scream and Seina started to yell. Despite the situation, both women were angrily shouting at the large, dangerous ghoul demanding that he release their son and brother. Seidou on the other hand was paralyzed. 

“You'll learn the consequences of defying my orders...” Tatara had softly spoken, throwing Seidou against the wall. He slid down, hitting the concrete ground with a bone crunching thud. Before he had time to gather himself and stand up, Tatara was already upon him. 

With one hand, Tatara lifted Seidou's hands above his head and pinned them against the wall, pulling him up wobbly to his feet. The other made way to Seidou's ruined trousers and with ease ripped them off, exposing private area. 

Seidou's blood went cold instantly. 

Everything that happened after that, seemed to be drowned out with the feeling of his own fear. He was trembling like a frightened animal looking into the eyes of its predator, as Tatara's hand began to roughly explore his naked lower region. Tears streamed down his cheeks, tears of defeat and bewilderment...he simply couldn't understand anymore. He didn't know why any of this was happening to him. Was he truly  _that_ terrible as a human...did he deserve this?

He only wanted to protect people...he only wanted to be an amazing investigator to make his mother and sister proud....

So why this?

It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered.

Not even his mother's screams of anguish as she watched a rapid ghoul mercilessly rape her son against the wall. 

Not even the way his sister cried as if she herself was the one being assaulted, with no way to escape or defend herself. 

Not even the fact that Seidou had lost all his rights, and at that moment, had been violated beyond repair. Nothing mattered....he wasn't even a person anymore. He was just Aogiri's property, created to be used and abused at their will. 

Light sobs escaped the half ghoul's lips as Tatara roughly thrust himself inside of Seidou, causing blood to stream down his inner thighs, but he knew no amount of tears would bring things back to how they were before.

So no matter what was happening, Seidou needed to solidify his conscience. 

He knew that Tatara wanted to see him crying, and begging him to stop, but Seidou couldn't give the ghoul that satisfaction. His mother and sister were already doing that for him.

But Seidou had to stay strong. He had to stay strong no matter what was happening to him.

He needed to do this for Seina and for his mother.

Above all, he needed to do it for his child, because he dreaded the day that would come when he would be the one on the ground, begging for his daughter, just as his mother begged for him. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarification:  
> This is not a SeidouxTatara pairing story at all. Don't think it's going to end with Seidou and Tatara getting together because it will not. Tatara raped Seidou...they aren't getting together.  
> No body other than Seidou knows about Rose.  
> Seina and Michie were captured and brought to Aogiri between the time Seidou failed the mission and his “imprisonment.”  
> Aki is going to come back but not for a while. I have a friendship Oneshot for Aki and Seidou where it features the two meeting each other. Aki is an experiment created by the CCG, but her story will be introduced later.  
> Seidou lost his mind when he was killing/eating the investigators. He was starved and hungry but needed to provide for his baby.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and sorry if the end offended any of you. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Please tell me what you think.  
> Have a nice night, and if you are curious, you can follow me on tumblr @yamiga123.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This story contains depictions of graphic violence, non-con, death, and abuse. Also Mpreg. If any of this is uncomfortable to you, or may be borderline triggering, or triggering to you, then please do not read. I’m writing this note for your safety and I hope that you do heed to it if it applies to you.
> 
> I kind of want this to be a more kinder chapter given the last one. So I hope you enjoy it.

 After the events of the night, the Takizawa's found themselves thrown into a small bedroom. From what Seidou saw as he came crashing down upon the cold for, this room was in much better condition than others he'd been forced in. It housed a single bed propped against the wall with a door opposite to it.

 

Seidou, clinging on to the floor due to the searing pain from Tatara's act before, looked a head as the Aogiri guard shut and locked the door.

 

He and his family were stuck in there until morning Seidou supposed, or until Tatara came back.

 

Seidou shuddered, reliving the assault over and over again; he was completely ruined now. Pain radiated through every inch of his body making it hard for him to stay stable. He couldn't stop shaking, he couldn't stop whimpering. It was as if Tatara's poison was still inside of him, threatening to corrupt his body.

 

He sat there, in the center of the floor, kept to himself with his knees close to his chest. He was whimpering and squeaking like a little rat, rocking himself back and forth, over and over again. Tears streamed down his pale cheeks like hot magma, only adding to the amount of agony he currently felt. He couldn't move...he couldn't do anything without sharp pain rendering him immobile. Every inch of his body was doused in shame; a constant reminder that he was weak.

 

“S...Seidou...” Amidst the painful silence, Seidou heard a light, almost angelic voice. He slowly cast a look over his shoulder, and eventually found himself gazing into his mothers eyes. She was already crawling over to him, perhaps to weak to stand by herself.

 

“Seidou...I...Seina and I checked...there's a bathroom in there....let's go...and get you cleaned up...” She tugged on her son's arm but he remained stationary, still hugging his knees to his chest. “Seidou please....let's get you...cleaned..up...”

 

Seidou shook his head in defiance, however, his mother was ever persistent. Eventually, the two stood wobbly to their feet and made their way towards the bathroom. Seidou limped as he walked behind his mother, attempting to keep his balance. Every so often, he lost his footing and fell but his mother helped him up. As they walked, he noticed Seina asleep on the floor next to the bed. She looked extremely exhausted. Seidou felt guiltier when he observed the pained expression on her face. This was all his fault and he knew it.

 

“O..kay Seidou.” His mother led him into the bathroom. Like a zombie, he walked, placing one foot on the ground after the other. When finally his mother brought him to the center of the bathroom, he stood there like a tree swaying back and forth. His ears went deaf to the sound of his mother turning on the faucet. Heavy streams of water hit the tub floor, but Seidou could hear nothing.

 

Everything was dull to him...blank visions, empty sounds. Everything.

 

It was about that time, he felt his mother's hands take hold of his arm. She pulled him towards the tub at a steady pace and slowly began to take off his clothing. Articles of dark attire hit the floor around Seidou's ankles until finally, he was completely naked. It was at this time, his mother took hold of his hand again and pulled him into the tub. She helped him as he stepped over the ledge a foot at a time. She also aided him in sitting down, unsteadily, until he was submerged in the warm water she'd prepared for him. Michie herself had sat down upon the tub floor, completely clothed, not minding that she was getting herself wet. Seidou remained in a still position allowing his head to bob down as his mother poured warm water upon him. She ran her fingers through his now soaked hair, watching as large amounts of dirt fell from his white strands into the water.

 

“Your hair Seidou...it's as white as snow...” Michie whispered. She only received a soft gaze from her son, who looked back towards the water short after.“It's like when you were a child...” She placed a soft hand on his cheek and helped him to lift his head. For the first time the two made actual eye contact. Both Takizawa's gazed into each others eyes, accepting the vibes of pity and love from one another. Seidou's eyes were no doubt broken by now, just large brown orbs of emptiness.

 

“Do you want to talk about anything, Seidou?” Michie's voiced echoed through the bathroom, causing the half ghoul to jump. His eyes began to focus in more on his mother and her presence and figure became more and more clear.

 

“I...” He started, hearing his own voice for the first time since Tatara's deed, and his voice was no doubt broken. Cracked from screaming and quiet from his own fear of it. “I'm...sor..sorry....” He managed. “I'm so sorry...th....this is...my...f..fault..” He started to tremble. Before he knew it, salty tears burned his already damaged skin.

 

In the calamity of the moment, Michie scooted towards her son. With every bit of force she could muster, she wrapped herself around him and pulled him into a hug. Practically leaping onto him, Seidou held the weight for both of them so they wouldn't fall back. He hadn't stopped crying however, in fact, he broke down even more when his mother held him. He grabbed on to her like he had as a child, holding on to her as if she was the only source of comfort he had.

 

Childhood memories sparked within that quiet moment as both mother and son embraced each other. Seidou had seemed to recall calmer times when the two were in this position; perhaps he had been crying over an injury, or the fact that Seina took his toys...anything would suffice in place of this.

 

“Shh...” Michie whispered. “It's fine Seidou it's okay...hush...” She kept herself together, still holding her son. “We'll make it out of this, all of us...don't cry...don't cry....”

 

“I..I'm disgusting!” Seidou sobbed. “I'm...I'm a monster...b...because...of...him...I'm....I'm...ruined—”

 

“Seidou.” His mother's voice became more stern, and despite the situation, held more authority than ever. “Don't let what he did to you define who you are....you are not...you aren't disgusting...you aren't a monster. Don't ever let what happened to you make you feel like you are worthless...don't ever let this make you feel like you don't matter...Seidou, he can control what's happening to you now...but don't let him control how you feel about yourself...Let that pain flow through you...let it leave you...”

 

She went on, offering more and more coax in her son's ears. He continued to cry and grab on to her, yet he felt an unexplainable feeling of ease enter his system.

 

He still felt the violation burning his body...he still smelled Tatara's scent upon his skin but, he couldn't let it control him. He couldn't let it ruin him more than he already was...

 

Seidou only had a small chance of hope left, and he couldn't allow any form of darkness to squander it. As much turmoil as he was currently in, Seidou knew he had to be stronger than it. He needed to do this for himself, for his mother...for his sister....for his....

 

“Ma...ma...” He whimpered , averting her gaze. “I..I have something to tell you...”

 

“What...what is it dear?” Michie whispered.

 

“I...I'm...” _I'm pregnant...I'm going to have a baby....it's..his...._ His heart sped up and his breaths became shorter. If he focused on the question anymore, he would have hyperventilated. His mother seemed to notice this and began to cup his face. “What is it sweetheart? Please tell me....”

 

Seidou took a hold of his mother's hand and slowly guided it from his face, down upon his chest and finally to his stomach. He pressed her palm upon his round abdomen and let it rest there for seconds before releasing. Instinctively, she rubbed over and over again this time with both hands. It didn't take her long to come up with the revelation that Seidou was afraid to reveal.

 

“Se...Seidou...”

 

“She's...the baby...she's his...” He whispered quietly. “But...he doesn't know...no one does...”

 

“Oh...oh...my G...God...” Michie's voice trembled. “Oh...oh...my...”

 

She repeated this over and over again until it was Seidou's time to hold her as she fell forward, resting her head upon his shoulder, trying her best not to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a mother, Michie is trying to give Seidou hope after what happened. So I just hope you guys understand that.

**Author's Note:**

> He doesn't want it, as the baby is eating him from the inside out because it's hungry. It hasn't really gotten any food since Seidou's been out, so it's hungrier than Seidou. Tatara explains that the baby is his, yet gives Seidou a chance to end the pregnancy.


End file.
